love infernal
by The Fading Star
Summary: It was hard to be in love with THE Gabriel Bolivar. Hard to be the ex-girlfriend who works for him at his nightclub, watching as fame slowly destroys him, when no one else seems to care. However, combine all that with the news he's now a Strigoi, whose nature causes him to hunt down the one he loves most, and our complicated relationship; just gets even worse.
1. Chapter 1

There wasn't any time to take in everyone around me.

I would blink and the crowd would be another sea of faces, telling of different cultures, gathered here in one place on the street; and along with only a few more, I was statue still compared to them.

There was noise. so much I could not tell the sources apart and they merged together for something loud, like an unrecognizable buzz of energy.

I was alone with my thoughts, which was nothing new there, as I scarcely ever did have someone to share them with, but for the moment, they too were absent, as I strived to take in this labyrinth, I willing chosen to lose myself in.

Besides a clear decision on the destination, it was true that I didn't exactly have a plan concerning what I hoped New York would have in store for me.

in fact, I didn't even know where I was going to sleep come nightfall.

bored, with a jack and coke in front of me, in yet another small town, which I can't seem to recall the name of, though it looked like all the rest, I happened to buy a one-way ticket at the Bus shelter, to the big apple, after swallowing my drink down, and two days later; here I was, putting the small towns behind me.

It was kinda how I did things.

on a whim; by chance; tempt what luck I had in my possession, and then go for whatever opportunity presented itself.

unrealistic.

unpredictable.

borderline crazy.

I suppose that was me; but when you have nothing grounding you to one place, spontaneous change in direction of your fates path, with a help from liquid courage, was what spiced up a potentially boring and dead end life.

I liked standing on the edge of the unknown.

I liked making something from it, as if I were reinventing myself, to be the person I want to be; and standing on the pavement, with nothing but twenty bucks in my pocket, the clothes on my back, and my grandfather's guitar, this was merely the starting point of doing just that.

I grinned at the prospect, and rocked back and forth on my toes, taking another gaze around while I pointed a finger and wiggled it in all manner of angles, getting a sense for which one felt right, and it just so happened, that whatever road was behind me, was the one I felt good about.

with no more debate on the matter, I turned a bit too sharply on my heel, forgetting the crowd, which inevitably, resulted in my hitting into someone.

muffled in their solid chest, it was an easy thing to have me beat when it came to height and with my cheeks blazing, I peeked up at the figure and quickly tried to gain back some of my composure.

Avoiding eye contact and awkwardly rubbing my neck to keep me distracted from my embarrassment, I mumbled, "oh god, sorry about that! I didn't notice anyone was behind me."

I expected them to groan at my idiocy and sulk off having just been made to endure a second of my presence, only they laughed.

Not mockingly, it was more a friendly chuckle that encouraged me to come back out of my mortified shell to see the sparkle in his blue eyes, which validated my suspicion of the stranger's understanding attitude to be genuine.

"hey, don't worry about it. you seemed to be in your own world, huh?"

I couldn't place the accent, his voice was masculine, without being too deep where his sentences droned into something unfathomable, and I raised an eyebrow at his assumption.

"what makes you say that?"

for some reason my question came as a tease, when any other person might have walked off, now that they knew no offence was made.

however, did I not say that I was unpredictable?

"well," he began, tucking his hands into the pockets of his black skinny jeans, bringing me back on topic, "you were just kind of standing there."

"so were others," I quipped in, but he was ready for me.

"yeah but they looked like a bunch of abandoned puppies. Terrified at the prospect of New York, now that they were here. Obvious tourists, if you will."

he jutted his chin to a pair with furrowed brows, clutching onto each other's arms and doubting their steps, instead of going with the flow.

I swear they were ready to call for a life guard to come fish them out from the sea they were caught up in, and turned back to the stranger, wearing a bemused look as he bowed his head down to me slightly.

"you, on the other hand, seemed to be living in the moment. undeterred by the scale of everything, and more so excited by it. you welcome the unknown, right?"

I squinted at him, "okay, so you have mind reading powers; remind me to pick a foil hat up from the next alien fearing lunatic I see."

at that, I came around him and continued down where I was heading before I walked into him, only I hadn't shaken him off.

"so, where are you going beautiful?"

keeping up to my pace was simple and he even overtook me, since three steps of mine were like one of his, and he showed off, by doing it backwards so we could still look at each other.

his short black hair sticking up where the wind hit it, I shrugged.

"Don't know."

he waited to see if I would elaborate, then saw I was being honest.

"not going to check in at some hotel, or hostel, or...anything?"

"nope."

In fact, I didn't know if there were any nearby, having relied on happening upon one once I got tired, but with twenty bucks, I wasn't going to get very far in laying down a payment for even a single night.

my musings must have been clear by my expression, and he tapped into my head again coming to a stop, and making himself an obstacle before me.

"the unknown can sometimes be a bit of a bitch, admit it."

I managed to avoid hitting into him again, though the smell of his worn Band T-shirt was still a reminder of it. Not cologne or aftershave, his scent was musty like a mix of cigarettes and alcohol along with the leather of his jacket you could tell he always wore, no matter the weather.

my breath visible in the cold, I sighed.

"you got any better ideas?"

he pointed a black varnished nail at my guitar, which I instinctively held tighter to me, thinking he might offer me a price for it and no matter how dire my circumstances, or great the number of dollars, I would always refuse.

"is that an accessory to match your whole look, or do you know how to play it?"

his question hit a nerve, and my cheeks flared crimson again, only for a different reason.

"my whole look- of course I can play it!"

that accusing hand flew up to join the other in defense, "wow, easy girl; I didn't mean to make you angry."

His smirk told me he enjoyed my reaction though and I rolled my eyes.

"so, what does it matter to you if I can play this thing or not?"

"doesn't matter much to me, but I do have a gig later tonight, one that promises payment in return. you interested?"

Biting my lip, it was what my guitar was for, besides the enjoyment I got from playing it, and paid gigs were hard to get when you weren't a regular at the joint you asked about playing at, and here this guy already had one, while offering me a share of the earnings.

"you can come back to my place to practice before the show, " he added, to give me that extra push, "maybe stay there too, until you get yourself sorted out properly, here in good old NYC."

I snorted, earning another devilish smirk.

"don't worry; I got a pull-out bed."

 _on a whim; by chance; tempt what luck I had in my possession, and then go for whatever opportunity presented itself._

 _unrealistic._

 _unpredictable._

 _borderline crazy._

...it was just how I am. plus, there was something about him, something that was familiar, though we'd only met.

for some reason, I felt as though I could trust this person and before I knew it, four years passed since that day, whereby I was walking out that very same apartment door again, no surer on my feet as when I had first arrived to New York.

Or if I'm telling the truth, I was a complete and utter fucking mess.


	2. Chapter 2

With my phone in hand, I hadn't long arrived and was sat down in the middle of one of those endless rows of uncomfortable chairs, which airports tend to have with the metal backrests, despite the possibility their passengers would be stuck waiting in them for long periods of time.

My right leg crossed over the left, I couldn't keep it still and the limb shook in every direction, while I anxiously waited to hear something from any possible source about flight 753. I weren't alone with that intention though, which had taken me aback when I had arrived at the top of the escalators, but unlike those other desperate souls, I had distanced myself without a want to be among their gathering that was being kept at bay by a line of police officers, with help from some agency known as the CDC.

Crying or angry family members of the passengers; a couple of news crews battling it out for interviews they could report back to their station; it seemed like to wild a crowd even by my standards and I spared another anxious glance at my beat up phone.

Bouncing in my shaking hand, the screen was dark with no activity since my last text to Ruby, asking if she had heard anything yet, since it was her who had so politely demanded that I come all the way down to JFK airport, since I was leaving for work anyway, and wouldn't be starting work again until the evening.

When we'd briefly spoken, I hadn't picked up on anything out of the norm in her tone. To me, she was always a stuck up bitch with very few manners, when she had to interact with those she regarded as peasantry like me. I mean, maybe in hindsight there was another scoop of irritation oozing in her words, which as she explained as I yawned and wanted to blank her, was due to things not going according to her strict schedule where a mutual friend was involved.

Immediately that had caught my attention since it could only be one person who that could be.

Apparently there was a problem with the flight Gabe was on. She didn't explain any further than that but it meant that I needed to go and receive him once it had blown over, so as not to draw any unwanted attention to his name, since as little miss nobody I was the perfect choice to secretly chauffer him away from all this mess, without the paparazzi following us.

As his manager, his reputation which in turn reflected her own, was far more important to Ruby than Gabe's **actual** welfare, which was a factor she had not deemed me worthy in hearing, other than stating that he was alive when I bombarded her with a flood of worried questions, settling the gut-wrenching knot in my stomach to a degree.

Now however, I just wanted to see him and verify that notion for myself, since from what I've seen from everything happening around me, my initial dread was not uncalled for concerning the passengers of flight 753. Not when a father was clutching a picture of a girl to his chest, with tears streaming down his face...

Caught up in the turmoil of the man's heartbroken expression, I jumped in my seat when his figure was suddenly wiped out by a herd of roaring kids, decked out in black and leather from head to toe, carrying pictures and signs. I cringed, knowing instantly the name they would be shouting as they merged in with those who actually had blood or friendship ties to the airplane and wrongly dominated them.

 **'BOLIVAR, BOLIVAR!'**

They continued the chant over and over and I figured that this must be the reason why Ruby hadn't responded to me, since Gabe being among the passengers must have somehow gotten out to the public, hence the raging fan fiasco I had just witnessed spring into action on his behalf.

Seeing the image of the man they called freedom for, his white painted complexion against a fiery background, I immediately rammed my headphones into each ear and turned the volume up to full blast, choosing to ignore my surroundings as they were doing me no favors mentally.

Nevertheless, my hold over my mobile tightened, anticipating its vibration as my other fishnet clad hand shielded my eyes from the bright lights.

I wasn't a day person.

Anything above a dull glow and I'd be sure to get a splitting headache, since whenever I was old enough to get a fake ID, night clubs have always been my go to job, whether I stood behind the bar, or was a waitress, or even performed on stage. The main thing is though, I worked and basically lived life at night and would generally sleep straight through the daytime until around 8:00pm afterwards, so under these bright exposing lights, the airport was way out of my comfort zone, so I hunched in on myself, drawing my hood up to cover my head…and not just to discourage people from thinking I was with the pubescent mobsters.

Just then, whether I sensed something different going on around me, or if it was just the pain in my stomach, I peeked between my lashes where the crowd had only grown in number and was nearly reaching me in my solitude.

Displeased, I stretched my stiff joints and cursed the metal chair once more before I got up and stood on the blasted thing, to try and look over the sea of people that had assembled.

I had to squint, but not much had changed other than the Police and CDC using more force than they had before, so I settled back down on the ground when an elderly couple started to give me that stink eye which I was used to, when in the 1940's a girl hardly walked out the door wearing and looking like I did.

Another painful rumble and my hand flew to my stomach, deciding it won't make any difference if I waited here or in front of a vending machine, only without having gone to work, I doubted I had any money kicking about in my pocket, as was usual when we split the tip jars. Hand searching dangerously close to my crotch area, I thought the elderly couples eyeballs were about to pop out of their head, when I finally managed to scrape enough loose change together and waved it at them with a grin. Honestly, if they didn't react the way that they did, I wouldn't exploit the fun I found in their disgust over people like me. Close minded, if they weren't willing to open up to new subcultures within society, you might as well enjoy toying with them.

Softly chuckling, I walked off oddly unable to hear my heavy boots thumping against the floor as I was used to, and when I looked up as I passed a window, it took me off guard to see that it was morning.

God, what time was it and how long have I actually been at JFK?

I would probably be getting off my shift by now, or already in bed, that was obvious and I was surprised that I wasn't tired, but then not much of my energy had been spent just sitting in one place for hours on end.

Sure enough, this had to have been the longest I've ever spent at any airport.

I've always hated flying.

Don't know why, as I had never been in a plane, but just the idea of being thousands of feet up in the air…

I shuddered at what I've been told was a senseless fear and yet, giving what's going on; my fear didn't seem so senseless anymore and my mind returned to the crying father.

That's when my phone unexpectedly went off and I juggled to hit answer, worried I'd be one second to late and miss the call, and breathlessly had the tiny device pinned to my ear, as soon as I had my headphones ripped out.

"Hello?" I gasped, with my chest heaving up and down.

That annoyed tone had only worsened since our last interaction and I could tell that Ruby had thrown back a couple of vodka's, while dealing with everything her end.

"Wait by the carpark entrance, he'll come to you."

It was a blunt response, but it was enough that I groaned with a sigh of relief and I did as was instructed, glad I could leave this place at last with a slight skip to my step, until I more or less skidded to a halt when I realized something.

…I was about to come face to face, by myself, in a confined space...with Gabe.

"Oh shit!"


	3. Chapter 3

Inhaling slowly, I could feel my nerves soothe with each draw of my cigarette, but as soon as my lungs blew the smoke out, the calming effect went with it and I moved from one onto another each time I finished. My back turned to the automatic doors, I was just giving my fourth its first draw to break it when a hand came around my face and pinched it from my fingers.

Without any need to confront the thief, I knew exactly who was standing before me, even without the wig he must have stuffed in his backpack, with his hood shadowing his face.

"…and here I thought you had quit this filthy habit."

As he said that, the fiend took a long drag creating a flaming ring where the paper was being reduced to ash and it wasn't from the smoking that I had lost my breath and after a good gawk like a startled pup, I shook my head and attempted to get a hold of myself, knowing he would gain some sick satisfaction from seeing my knees buckle.

"Well… it was either smoke my annoyances away or take a swing for that pretty boy face of yours; which would you rather? Because now that you're here, I'll admit the latter is actually very appealing."

A cloud hit me in the face as it was released through a grin.

"At least you think I'm pretty."

Grimacing, I grabbed one of the corny ornaments I had attached to my weighty car keys and pulled them out of my coat, without saying a word to Gabe who chased after me when I tried to walk off without showing too much attitude that would make it obvious that I was covering for how nervous I actually was.

My hands squeezed tight, I could feel my chest restricting, along with my insides churning with nausea and I hated how uncomfortable I was, being forced to confront him solo like this, when I really was not ready and was used to my roommate and co-worker Kya being the barrier between us whenever we were in the same room.

 _'_ _Fuck him Lily! Ain't no man worth this kinda pain over; especially an asshole like Bolivar.'_

Her coarse voice penetrated right through my weak and fragile little mind like a bolt of lightning, but unlike so many other girls who have gone through a break up like me, I have never once, even just for her ears alone or as a lie to myself, agreed.

I mean, without a doubt, the infamous Bolivar was an asshole, however, he wasn't just that.

Under the façade, if you just only scratched the surface, there was still the guy I met in the middle of Times Square.

A guy that had listened to my every word and actually cared for what I had to say, and even when I was silent, still drew me in for an embrace for however long it took to comfort me, when I didn't want to talk after a shit day. Physically and mentally, he had been my rock and I was his in return. No one understood us more than we did each other. A connection where it was like we were a singular being; and a girl can't forget something like that, nor explain how the pain wasn't like any other sad breakup story.

I mean; sometimes… it doesn't actually feel like a breakup.

One day that guy was there, and the next… he wasn't.

To me, it was like there had been a tragic and sudden death, tearing him away from me.

God, I think for months I cried **enough** and drank **enough** and was angry **enough** to be considered a mourner.

In fact, I was still pissed.

Pissed at having been treated as if I had meant nothing at all and wasn't worth fighting for, when I had battled it out with Ruby for dragging him into fucking fame, because that was when I had lost him.

When he had to comply with whatever the media wanted him to be in order to get his name out there.

It was like MY Gabe, had been suffocated by all the demands and expectations.

And I get people think I'm stupid to still be hung up on him like I am, as much as it kills me to admit it. Only, now and then, I can see this… almost flicker of the guy I had known appear, as if his ghost was still kicking about, and I can't help but hope he might take a stand one day and breath again so he can claim his life back for what it was.

Wound up, I could feel how my body was tense.

The air like lava around me, I should have figured my companion would take notice and he grabbed my arm, instantly stopping me in my tracks.

He didn't lower his hood, what with all the fans running around it was way too risky that he'd get recognized, but a light shone bright enough that when I flickered my gaze up at Gabe, I was captivated by a feature I hadn't been this close to notice in a long while, where underneath his thick arched brows, there were these silver flecks within his vivid blue eyes, before they melted into a sort of green color at the edge of the iris.

These past few years, I had gotten so used to the startling white contacts he'd wear, that it was nice to see some real part of him without the distance of Gabe being on stage and me standing behind the bar getting in the way.

Damn, if I wasn't imagining those instances where I'd wake to find him staring at me, clutching the pillow tighter under my head as my heart quickened, wondering how long he'd been looking at me like that. Since the last time we shared a bed, no one has ever beheld me in quite the same way if not for the unwanted lustful gawks of drunkards, and it was taking everything inside of me not to go onto my toes and kiss that mouth of his.

Speaking around my stolen cigarette, Gabe pinched my chin between his fingers, setting the spot aflame, "Hey, what's up Hun?"

That was until he used that word, and I slapped his hand aside.

"Really Gabe…Hun?"

With the audacity to seem confused, I sighed and continued on marching pass the assembly of cars on the lookout for mine, vaguely being able to remember where I had parked it before my lengthy wait for the moron behind me.

Still talking when he really should stop at this point, Gabe was muttering to himself and lingering back some as he finished smoking his annoyance away and quickened his pace to catch up with me.

Arms out wide in question, he was still in the middle of blowing out his last puff of smoke when he really had to ask what I was anticipating he would.

"What the fuck did I say?"

I couldn't help laughing at his cluelessness, finally catching site of my cars rear-end sticking out more than it ought to thanks to my poor parking job.

" _Hun_ ,' you know that's what you call one of your sluts when you've forgotten her name, and the chin pinching-"

I demonstrated by clasping his own when he least expected it, making him raise those brows nearly to his hairline.

"-that's also your way of charming them so you can get your tongue in their mouths."

Gabe twisted his black stained lips knowing he'd been caught out, but strangely more amused than angry.

"Oh yeah and how would you know that?"

I shrugged, "Berlin to New York…such an awful long flight; a long, boring, lonely one. I bet you couldn't even crack one out in the restroom, without the airhostess chapping at the door wondering what was keeping you in there."

Though judging by his expression I'd gotten it right, I could have also explained it by the look in eyes, because as I had been staring into them, I realized that it wasn't the look I remembered and treasured that they reflected, and more so the lustful look of the drunkards. At that moment, I could tell it hadn't registered with Gabe that unlike him, I hadn't changed any since the last time we were both alone with each other. Just because he fucked as he pleased to fill the void in his life, didn't mean I had do the same thing with the one he created in mine. I had more pride in myself than to do something like that, though my roommate assured me there was nothing wrong with some rebound sex.

All those girls he dragged into the club and up into his living quarters, it should hurt when they parade past me in skin tight clothes if any at all, only it didn't; in fact if anything, I pitied Gabe for the number and frequency he had to find some relief in them, because it came down to guilt in the end.

I hadn't known that of course at the beginning, but after I found him collapsed on the floor one day with a bottle still in his hand, it was my name he was slurring and when I held him in a blind panic, he must have thought me an illusion to admit what he did.

 _'_ _You fucking ruined me lily! It would be easy if I didn't know already what it was like to have someone under me who wasn't using Gabriel Bolivar, as much as I'm using them, and judging me the entire time I'm between their legs. You were different you know that! You made everything go away, made everything…better, made even me better. To you I was just Gabe, wasn't I? I miss that; just being one person's Gabe… I miss being your Gabe; no one compares to you…not even close.'_

An apology after another, it took a lot of strength to get control over myself after such an admission and it wasn't until Kya followed me into the club that I snapped out of my shock and we both, with some pleading from my side to get her to help me, got Gabriel up to his bed to sleep off whatever it was he'd taken with that bottle of Vodka.

By the next night when I came in for my shift, he likely didn't remember what he had said or that I had been there at all. Perhaps he still didn't or as I initially thought when finding him, thought it all an illusion or dream. However, at least I knew that it had happened. That in that moment he revealed some deeper part of himself, which allowed me to make my realization that my Gabe was still there and was just as uneasy at our separation as I was.

Despite Kya's thinking otherwise, it done me some strange good to be shown it wasn't one sided and those years we shared meant the same to Gabriel as they did me, since that had been the main cause for my depression and as long as I could see that, I was willing to have faith in him being that guy he wanted to be again.

That meant at times where he wasn't behaving, I tried to set him down the right path, like now when I was correcting his use of the term Hun, for not being an automatic command for a girl to drop their dignity at his feet, as well as their underwear.

I signaled over my shoulder, "Come on rock star, the cars just here."

The Cutlass Salon; the same rust bucket I've been driving for nearly ten years, and before that my grandfather had been kicking around his hometown in it. Obviously in his day the bumper hadn't been plastered in band stickers of course, but nor would I imagine there was as much rust on it back then as there was now to cover up with them. That and I'll make no mention of the discolored door I got a friend to weld on, that I found in a scrap yard after tearing the original clean off.

Various scrapes and bruises on the faded silver paint job, the outer shell was a disaster and eye sour, but I never once as its owner, encountered anything mechanically wrong with it, which was a good thing because there was too much sentimentality tied to it, for me to ever let it go.

Scoffing out a laugh, to see this car again would be a blast from the past for Gabriel, since he'd been the constant occupier of the passenger seat long ago, and as he shook his head in disbelief, I couldn't stop smiling as I watched him stroke the roof as if it was a loyal dog or something.

"GOD, you still drive this thing!"

The interior carpets and leather gaping with holes, I admired it over to counteract my violent clanging the key about in the slot, when a simple insert and twist wasn't enough.

"It's never let me down," I gritted past my teeth, until it gave that satisfying click to let me slide on in and roll the window on Gabriel's side down.

"You know the drill!" I yelled and was immediately hit by his backpack.

Sputtering, I slung the thing over my shoulder and saw the amusing sight of a grown man shimmying his restrained legs in through my window, seeing as he wore the poor fashion choice for such gymnastic maneuvers, in tight leather trousers.

In my mind, I pictured it like when you trap a spider under a glass and miss one of its spindly legs out and it starts flailing madly.

"Enjoying this are you!"

My giggle said it all, and when he was finally sat next to me, that chalky complexion burned slightly red as he huffed out "well, seems I'm understandingly out of practice."

From a simple swing in, to whatever the hell that was I had to agree.

"Seems that way, huh."

He nudged me playfully as the engine roared to life, still looking about like a tourist at an amusement park while every now and again Gabe would sigh and make the odd exclamation at a certain stain or mark, which triggered the story behind it, surprising me with what he actually remembered and distracting me from the tedious traffic all the way to the bridge.

The more comfortable Gabe got talking, with my occasionally chipping in, given that I was enjoying listening to him, he lost the need for discretion that the hoodie gave him, for a figure hugging t-shirt and his short black hair underneath. Smoothing it back, I tried not to remember my own stories of what we got up to in this car, which involved my tugging and running my fingers through that hair, and cleared my throat of its dryness.

Then something sparked him.

"Wait…I wonder if it's still here."

I couldn't shout at Gabe for undoing his seatbelt, because there wasn't one in the first place, but when he started leaning over his seat to reach in the back row, I gave my protests at his lack of gracefulness, that kept me distracted from the road and blocked my rearview mirror.

"Gabe what are you doing!"

Positioning himself better in the back, I caught glimpses of him rummaging around and then burying his hand in the side of the left seat, digging up all sorts of crap that actually made me a little embarrassed, until he found whatever the hell it was he was looking for.

"HA, there it is! Jeez, when's the last time you've cleaned in here Lils."

I narrowed my eyes at the shortening of my name, which he ignored and tried to peer at what he held, "been busy, why?"

He was silent as he studied the thing, and he flashed his gaze from it to me, which really caught my interest, as he leaned around to hold it out for me.

"I stuffed this into the backseat."

Crinkled with various lines, I squinted to make sense of the black print on the scrunched up piece of paper, constantly looking between it and the road, when the image clicked.

* * *

 _'_ _Come on lily, you gonna tell me where we're going?'_

 _The windows rolled down to let some cooling air in, I was bubbling with mischief and remained proudly tight lipped, over the secrecy of my grand plan which even involved my boyfriend wearing a blindfold, which to begin with gave him the wrong idea, although it didn't hurt to indulge him on it, when my aim for this whole day was to make him happy._

 _Such a mission was usual for me when I'd hear a phone ring and answered, turning his carefree self into a storm cloud. No input from his side, Gabriel would remain stoic until he couldn't bear enduring the lecture being pounded in his ear on the other end of the line and as he hung up, there would always be a pause before the apartment would get absolutely trashed, and nothing was sacred if it could be tossed or overturned._

 _The best thing for me to do during that lashing was to hide my fragile acoustic guitar and wait out the storm, then when he was a heap on the floor, I'd approach and smash his body into mine to remind him I was there._

 _Besides that, nothing could truly be done so soon after Gabriel was bullied by his prick of a preacher father and rather than let him drink away his sorrows alone, I'd keep his hand in mine and join him in playing the game of how crappy our lives had been when we were younger._

 _Then come morning, such as the one we lived in now, I'd be there at the ready to give him the best day ever and it just so happened I woke with a scheme up my sleeve._

 _An hour drive later, after finding the right person to do what I wanted, which took a couple of attempts, I led Gabe into a store where the buzzing couldn't be mistaken for anything else but a tattoo parlor, or the need for a stencil and outline of his ribs._

 _Soon as he figured it out, the artist waiting on the go ahead to get on with his work, gave me a particular look that screamed worry on my behalf incase Gabe went nuts over my spontaneous decision to get him tattooed. Only, he underestimated the trust we shared and below Gabe's blindfold I still insisted he wear, he merely smirked and slapped his hands together._

 _'_ _Let's do this!'_

 _A whole lot of needles jabbing ink into his ribs later, the piece was finally finished and Gabe got to see what I had marked on him forever._

 _'_ _Are you ready?' I had whispered, and on the count of three the blindfold was whipped away for Gabe to see my rather unconventional take on the Angel Gabriel._

 _The detail was impeccable, and I was glad my drawing was well credited by the tattoo artist enough to keep true to what I had created and I examined it the same as who, was right then, the kid who grew up with an abusive father and mentally unstable mother. Who used to have to take punches and not deliver them and be told every day of his life that he was worthless and would amount to nothing, less he accepted Gods word, which was too similar to his father's word, into his heart._

 _That kid and teen had been Dwight, twisted and tormented by his past, and as he stared at the image on his skin, I whispered to him again._

 _'_ _You're not that kid anymore, babe. For one, you're my angel; saving me from having a meaningless life when I used to just wander around, believing no one cared about me or that I mattered enough to anyone to stay in one place and make a home. This particular angel is Gabriel and what stood out to me was his meaning 'to assist in the moment of now;' that's what we got to do. We got to live and no one can take that away from us, especially not your father. Dwight's gone, be Gabriel now and do as you will without being trapped by your past.'_

* * *

Wings spread out wide and blazing with light, the pencil had faded while the tattoo remained and after he had gotten it done, it was followed by a heated moment of passion where at some point he must have stuffed the paper where he had found it.

Thus, it was I who helped create Gabriel, which might help you to understand how intricately we were bound.

"The ribs…you couldn't have picked a less painful place for this could you."

Gabe was trying to make light of the situation, but the air was rife with nostalgia that for the rest of the journey, kept us both silent and brooding.


	4. Chapter 4

**I'm very sorry about this chapter taking so long...what can I say, busy, busy, busy :S x**

* * *

"So," I started, drumming my fingers on the steering wheel, as pedestrians followed the directions of the little green man out in front of me, "am I taking you to the club or what?"

Lounging as far as the confined space would allow him along the back seats, Gabe's persistent picking at his nail polish had been the only sound to fill the silence before I broke it, seeing as I had collected the cargo but had no idea where I was meant to dump him. If I could have tapped into his mind, I would have avoided speaking thanks to the memory revisit we both shared, but I suppose one of us had to grow a pair and deal with it.

Turning round a corner, he got up and took a gander at our surroundings, leaning on my chair.

"Nah, drop me off at the restaurant across the street, Rube's will probably meet us there; being in quarantine is hungry work after all."

I tried not to turn around sharply at the mention of quarantine. Dealing with all the emotional turmoil, I'd forgotten the reason behind why I had to pick him up, reliving the crowd, police… and the man crying over a framed picture.

The desire to bombard Gabe with questions surged within, but it was beaten by the sudden growl of my stomach.

"You hungry?" he asked casually, as if I hadn't just made the unflattering sound.

Feeling defiant, I answered, "No," but an encore of the growl betrayed me, since the last I had eaten was over twelve hours ago.

"Come on, why don't you join us, it's just going to be me and Ruby and she'll be on the phone to a bunch of event promoters."

Considering I'd be in bed by now sleeping the morning away after a night shift and was a complete bitch without a proper rest, the idea didn't really appeal to me in the slightest, only I don't think I was quite ready to leave Gabriel yet.

I wasn't comfortable with just going back to the way things were before this moment, where we'd be aware of the others presence but not let ourselves acknowledge it for some reason or another. I wanted to see this thing through and make sure he was alright, since I wouldn't trust Ruby's word for it if I asked later on, or his. After all, there was a concert at stake here and that was of the utmost importance…apparently.

"Fine; but you're paying."

* * *

Stretching his eye to rim it with the black pencil I had stuffed in my beaten up bag, I chuckled at the mouth hanging open as Gabe did it, gathering that it wasn't just a girl thing then.

"Okay, you officially wear more make-up than I do."

That wasn't true by a long shot, but the amount doesn't go to waste in my vague attempt to replicate Siouxsie Sioux and as he gave his lips a dab with it, he passed the thing over to slip his wig back in place, becoming the infamous Bolivar again. Obviously his record label was under the impression Gabe's short hair, just wasn't Goth enough. A cringe worthy statement if ever there was one, instead of letting him be himself, which wasn't too different from his present fashion choices admittedly, only there was a different air people carry when their doing something naturally versus forcefully.

I raised a brow, with my leg kicked up against the front wheel, "finished?"

The restaurant in question happened to be the one across the road from the club. A swift kind of getaway I would imagine if something was amiss with their exclusiveness and reporters began piling in, searching for an interview with Gabe. But a plus for me was that we could park at the back of the club, and walk on over, since there I had my designated space, empty until my car alone filled it, such was the power of my name being spray painted on the wall allowed.

Walking across the pavement, I was going to slip my hands into my pockets out of sheer habit until one was grabbed.

I gasped for a number of reasons. The surprise of the action, the way I hadn't realized how empty my hand had actually felt before being swallowed by Gabe's, the way it reminded me of being someone's to hold onto, and that the last time it had been held, I had been Gabe's…but also; the coldness to his skin.

Obviously, New York was like living in an ice bucket come this time of year. Hell, my own fingers resembled icicles rather than flesh, only I could feel the temperature difference regardless.

"Keep up shorty! I'm really not in the mood to get recognized. I mean, the autographs I could handle, but the screaming…it gets old real fast, and my heads not in great shape as it is."

I tried not to raise my neck to further validate his dig at my height, as I glared at him. Gabe used to love how small I was in comparison to most people and hated it when I tried to add a couple of inches to myself by wearing heels. Honestly he did me a favor every time I would pull out my highest pair and demand I take them off, because I could never walk in them with confidence in any case, and was known to land on my ass after a couple of drinks any way without having to balance my weight on pin-needles.

Now, I hardly wore anything on my feet that weren't my pair of black leather biker boots, which had seen better days, since I was a teenager when I had stolen them off a 'friend,' while they were passed out drunk. I tried not to judge myself too harshly for the crime, seeing as the person was an absolute dick, who had sought to hire me for more than just a mic opening at a bar and thought I could entertain the gents there in other ways.

I shit you not! The bastard actually thought I would let him be my pimp, or that I would be a prostitute just to put some money in my pocket.

Screw that!

Besides his boots, which I had to stuff some socks into the toes of to fit, I had also gotten my revenge, by flattening all the tires of the bars customers and then leaving the knife blatantly in his hand while he slept at the table close to the exit.

I smiled at the beating he must have gotten and pressed the button when Gabe and I got to the crossing, waiting for the red man to turn green.

"Going into your shell there?"

His neck buried between his shoulder blades, Gabe let his wig curtain either side of his face, to distort his features somewhat.

"I told you I don't want anyone to notice me."

Whispering under his breath, I gazed at the crowd which was, at this time in the morning, made up of the same man replicated numerously. Same suits, matching briefcases and cells pressed against their ear as they spoke rapidly in frustration. If they weren't the same ages, the wrinkles from stress made them all appear as though they were and I wondered who here, excluding myself, had actually heard of Gabriel Bolivar.

"Ah, I think you're quite safe there."

With our neon signal telling us to go, Gabe's hand tightened around mine as people from behind us, which I hadn't known were there, pushed past to get onto the other side quickly, seeing as everyone was in a rush nowadays and didn't have a clue what patience meant. However, the buildup in possible spectators worsened his worries and I thought it interesting.

"Since when are you shy from getting attention?"

I spoke without meaning to and Gabe shot me a look to have dared to ask him and as he surveyed the horde, he shrugged his broad shoulders and rubbed agitatedly at his eyes, careless of his handiwork, that he'd just spent a good half hour applying in my wing mirror, letting it smear.

"I don't know…it's like I can…fucking **hear** them breathing together; or something stupid."

I was taken aback by that response, "well, that isn't weird."

I wanted to add if he had taken anything since Gabe was no stranger to a fine array of drugs, ranging in how hard core they were and what was sick was that I knew for a fact that it was Ruby who helped him get most of them, to counteract whatever illness or mood might ruin a major promotion she had lined up for him.

I swear to god, if I waved my hand over him, I might actually feel the strings she pulled to get him to do whatever she wanted, but if I was going to be sat at the same table as her as we entered through two large glass doors, I had to control my temper less I lunged for her throat.

At first, the host standing like a beanpole all prim and proper, smelling like an expensive brand of soap, froze behind his little desk, while his eyeballs nearly popped right out of his head.

"Uh, can I help you?"

Clean shaven, with his baby curls springing into a controlled style, his trousers were tighter than Gabe's and mine, but that was where the similarities ended, with him and just about everyone else in the restaurant, where a couple of diners blatantly turned in their seats to stare at me as if I wasn't familiar with their oh so subtle ways of mocking me by now.

"Reservations for Bolivar."

Compared to Gabe's deep tone, the host was an absolute ponce, who buckled disgustingly when my Ex reached over and snatched the menus from him and started flicking through the pages casually, invading the desk at the same time when he leaned his elbows on it.

I sniggered and broke out into a yawn as the host, who I read on his badge was named Francis, rambled on about there being no such reservation, with neither me nor Gabe listening to him for different reasons I suppose, since I was finding the whole thing amusing, while Gabe must be used to it.

I mean, the whole world didn't know prominent figures in the rock scene as they would other A-listers, such as and the lord forgive me for swearing, ' _the Kardashian's_.'

Retching to myself at my train of thought, there was a call that caught us from the top floor of the establishment, where a woman waved behind the banisters.

"Gabe, get up here!"

Francis was stunned the woman in a designer pencil dress was beckoning the likes of us. A mass of black on black, where the sole traces of color ever to be found on my person, was the streaks in my hair I had recently cropped into a blunt cut, to the middle of my neck. This past month, I had chosen a bright purple, with the detail being just about what I could handle where color was concerned, feeling far more comfortable in black.

Gabe had been the same, in fact we used to share clothes, accessorizing primarily around some band t-shirt or another, as I had done presently, only his style had seemed to have developed from that, perhaps even branded with names Francis might have heard of, but keeping true to his whole image of goth, he remained in black.

"Fancy that, my name got her a table, but not the man himself!"

Shaking his head, feigning disappointment, Gabe tossed his menu and it spun for a few brief seconds for the host to try and scramble to catch.

"I hope the same doesn't go for the food."

His arm looped around my shoulders, as he led me towards the staircase up where his manager was, shouting behind him, " I'll have the lobster and after the night I've had, throw in a couple of shots; don't care what of, just shots; and my friend here will have the steak, rare, and with red wine."

I scoffed, alerting him.

"Did I get it wrong?"

"No," I answered, "you actually remembered."

This was no fast food chain.

Out of my element, the table looked freshly polished underneath the cream cloth. Not plastic, with a sticky coating, I couldn't tell what the last person sat there had eaten for me to squish underneath my boots and it was very secluded.

Clearly this floor was reserved for VIPs and I examined every corner in my exploration of how the other half live, wondering what the price list was for this joint and whether the cow my steak was coming from shit gold, to make it worth the expense.

"Hmm, fancy establishment."

Lifting a silver spoon, I waved it between my fingers as evidence, when it was one among many lined up beside a plate, which I couldn't understand and doubted that anyone else did really. Focusing on the utensil with one eye closed, I had lined it up so that it swallowed Ruby's face, while Gabe kissed her cheek.

Her emphasis on the lip glossed pucker popped with a 'mwah,' and I gagged at her attempt to make herself feel classier than she was, regarding the fact that I had once caught Ruby with a lacy thong around her ankles, when a certain event manager was having second thoughts on a tour of Gabe's, after he'd been arrested with a needle in his arm.

There was no magic behind her business deals, as Gabe assumed, only simple fucking, in which case, a common prostitute could easily replace her.

With a terrible mullet, a sweat stained suit pinching where his fat was desperate to burst free, the encounter had worsened our already sour relationship, when I saw for myself that Ruby knew no bounds wherever money was concerned and it wasn't that I was aware of that fact which pissed her off. Only that her partner hadn't been the least bit attractive.

"Can't remember your orders going as far as eating with us; _Barmaid_. Have you not got anything better to do than sniff around Gabe's heels?"

 _'_ _I'd rather be called barmaid than slut,'_ I muttered under my breath.

Truth is; there is something truly acidic between Ruby and I. I brewed and boiled every time we were in visual distance of each other, souring the whole atmosphere, since we never tried to deny it and it made everyone around us deeply uncomfortable, even causing my ferocious roommate to bustle, and I have pulled her out of some pretty nasty fights over the most stupid things.

And our hatred was born through one person.

"Aww, Come on Rube's; I invited her."

Kicking back comfortably at the table, Gabe had hooked his jacket behind him and was staring at Ruby expectantly, "Least I could do, after she came to get me from that hell hole."

fists so tightly clenched I thought she might puncture herself from those claws at the ends of her fingers, I could see she was annoyed Gabe wanted me to stay, which led to me worsening her mood when I gestured for her to sit first, a little dramatically I'll admit.

If she couldn't get rid of me, she'd concede to pretending I didn't exist, at least that was her conclusion when her phone started ringing and snapping it against her ear, Ruby's voice drifted into a conversation where money was the goal.

From her stylishly braided head, down to those manicured toes, every inch of her was paid by exploiting Gabe. I didn't know how she did it, but no press was bad in her eyes, making his addictions work in their favour, much to many a parents despair, and as she babbled away, my eye narrowed more and more into slits, holding Ruby in utter contempt, when she pulled away for just a moment.

"Hey Gabe, does Joan Luss ring a bell?"

Scratching at his wig, Gabe's mind wasn't as sharply paced as most peoples were. I didn't think it was from the drugs though. Despite their obvious side effects, he was clever when he wanted to be in order to get what he wanted and his blasé attitude was more so the result of a lack in care. No one ever asked for his opinion, so he wasn't used in providing it, taking him off guard.

"Yeah," he mumbled, "she threw her name around quite a lot; she was one of the survivors."

Ruby beamed gleefully, relishing in the information, "seems you made a good friend there, she reckons whatever anyone offers us for an interview, and I'll tell you the last one was three hundred thousand, it's going to be trump change compared to what the airlines going to offer us."

'Us' I snorted. Whatever he did, Gabriel couldn't forget about Ruby, she made certain of that, but I let myself get side tracked again, perking up at Gabe's statement.

"One of the survivors…" I repeated.

Cocking a brow at me, I had whispered so quietly I didn't think anyone would hear me, but it would seem Gabriel was attuned to the sound of my voice, "sure, haven't you seen the news?"

I froze a minute, mumbling like an idiot as my thoughts caught up with me when deliberating over what that could mean, 'survivors', then I stopped myself from providing an explanation just out of curiosity and raised a brow to probe him, to see if he remembered.

I guessed by the slight squint to his eye that he knew I was waiting for something, only who could blame me after what happened in the car concerning his tattoo. Since we broke up, I had believed those moments lost, mattering to no one besides the sad little goth girl, missing the feeling of her guy wrapping his arms around her while she slept. As much as it killed me, I was such a helpless romantic. Never used to be; Before Gabe, boys were those things you used to kick in the dirt when you were a kid, looking down a Barbie's top and idealising their perfect, non-existent, girlfriend around a plastic doll. However, after much denial, I had to admit there was something in Gabe that reflected a part of myself, inside of him. I looked at him and it was like when I looked in the mirror and saw the miserable little girl I had once been, only in place of where he stood, it was a scared boy instead.

Mistreated, misunderstood, and desperately alone. The Gabe I had known, wandered the shadows with his head low and his hands in his pockets before he bumped into me at times square, a girl just as lost. These two people had met and in that moment, everything seemed a little brighter over the discovery of two kindred spirits.

If only they had held on to each other…

"…Wait," I watched the wheel sin head turning, "too depressing right? Christ you haven't changed lily."

It was true; I didn't need no damn picture box to tell me the world can be shit. Everyone was aware of that already, no need to scar myself with further proof.

"Can't say the same for you unfortunately. "

The grin on his face faltered, "What do you mean?"

"well-"

"Gabe," Ruby cut me off, "you won't believe the tour the record label is planning for you; start of next month. Hope you're not put off from flying, because you're more or less going to conquer Europe"

Gabe half smiled and nodded as if not fully paying attention, angled in his chair to the point where his knee grazed mine, which I was very conscious about, as the touch kept drawing my concentration.

Somehow I read too deep into it, like it was him calling for help not just from an old Ex, but a friend. The only true friend he's ever had in his life, that didn't have some hidden agenda.

"Do you have any input in what goes on?"

"Huh?" I caught him off guard, before I signalled to Ruby chatting on the phone, "Oh…what you think I'm paying Rube's for. She deals with all that crap."

"Then pay her to fight battles on your behalf as well then Gabe. If you don't want to go anywhere, you don't have to."

Before he'd been transformed into the rock star present, between us it had been me who had done the most travelling. Never settling down, I skipped town after town once I got familiar with it and had been to so many places that I couldn't even remember the names to most of the memories I had of certain spots that sometimes pop into mind.

Gabe however, hated travelling. He had dreamed of New York when he was a kid and as soon as he had saved enough cash and was old enough, moved there, never looking back on his hometown, to him it was his safety zone, the reality of living in the place where he had always dreamed of escaping to in his youth. Why would he ever want to leave? Except now he was hardly ever home in this crazy city and it was worth noting that this could only come into play when he went off the rails like he did when touring other countries.

"Simple as that, huh..."

Staring at me intently, Gabriel leaned forwards to the point where I could feel his breath hitting my face, "when was the last time you made a last minute decision. Go on, I used to love listening to your wild stories about what you had done that day."

I couldn't stop the laugh from remembering storming through our old apartment's door, going a hundred miles per hour, rambling about my day. Soon as I bolted through the door, Gabe used to sit perfectly erect waiting for me to start no matter where he was at and what surprised me was that he actually hung onto every word, but he was missing something out.

"Nine times out of ten, you were right there alongside me."

He stroked where the tattoo was on his ribcage, "yeah…seems like a lifetime ago."

A part of me whispered in the back of my mind, _'that's because it was.'_

"Well, you gonna tell me?"

I sighed, staring up at the ceiling at the realisation I didn't have an answer for him and practically flopped to rest my elbows on my legs, putting our faces a mere inch apart.

"Want to know the truth? I can't actually remember the last crazy thing I did."

I could have sworn I saw a flash of disappointment, the sympathetic kind. Then again that voice came, ' _I can; four years ago when we were still together and I was happy'_

That was as good an explanation as any. Four years and for the majority of them, happiness had been fleeting; when I drank empty a bottle of wine. Whenever I tried at all, I just couldn't inspire myself to feel anything but anger and sadness and I missed the person I used to be.

"How about when you came home with a full pack of water balloons you started filling up in the kitchen sink and then charged right up to the rooftop, firing them at every man you saw because one called you a freaky bitch on the subway. Hell, soon as you noticed me standing behind you, I got one."

I listened excitedly like these stories were about some other girl, unable to relate myself to them and laughed.

"What can I say; men. None of you are innocent."

Gabriel tucked a piece of my black hair behind my ear, brushing along the curve. Caught up in the past, my gaze turned serious from the intimacy. I should have told him to stop, if I had wanted, but that was the catch; I didn't want him to stop. He kept his hand still while we remained closer than we had ever been since the last time I kissed that cocky mouth of his and my lips tingled at the thought, making me lick them to occupy their need to cut away the distance.

I had to be smart here; the adult like I had always been, otherwise Gabe would take advantage of any give, I allowed concerning the boundaries our separation put in place for the good of, well me.

The air brewing between us, it screamed for more flirtations that were hardly harmless the way they beckoned me to possibly make a fool of myself. If being a rock star hadn't worked out, I was convinced Gabe could have made it as an actor, saying the right things to get me in his bed, or to sneak away to the bathrooms, since I knew for a fact he wasn't picky where he screwed around.

The air, as electric as it was, in a warm, comforting, familiar sort of way, I broke the current when I snapped back in my seat, trying to pretend the cutlery was the most interesting thing I'd ever seen as I fidgeted with the layout of forks.

"…there was another time too."

His voice had dulled, telling me of the done damage I'd caused pushing him away; little did I know it was all part of his plan.

"I'm sure; yeah, didn't Kaya say something about you having a baby face during a night out, then come morning you were moaning about a pain in your…"

My cheeks were inflamed and my whole body tensed, "Oh my god!"

Letting loose a loud obnoxious laugh just to tease me further, he pretty much bellowed for the whole restaurant to hear, "you didn't want to scar your face but a needle through the nipple seemed a good alternative."

I covered my face embarrassed from my drunken antics, since I would not have gotten any sort of piercing had I been sober. Tattoos I could deal with, but piercings sent shivers down my spine after Kaya got her septum done and it went through the cartilage. The crunching sound, her scream of bloody murder, despite it being her it happened to, it was me who had their head down their toilet spewing my guts up.

"Have you still got it?"

Reaching over, I felt a tug at my top until I swatted him away, "Guess you'll never know Bolivar."

He beamed at me with that cheeky grin of his, like the one he had plastered all over his face the day we met and I resisted saying, _'ah! Now there's my Gabe.'_

Then he changed. His whole demeanour tensed after he'd flinched the way you might when a fly buzzes past your ear.

"What is it?" I asked, seeing he was uncomfortable.

It grated on his nerves whatever it was, while pressing the side of his head into his shoulder.

"That humming sound again," he hissed through clenched teeth.

"I don't hear it Gabe."

That must have been what he meant when we were walking on over from the car. A buzz of people thinking it would seem when standing as one person among many.

"Yeah me neither, but if it has a tune right it down."

 _'_ _Seriously, you've been talking on your phone this whole time but when you care to actually acknowledge the people in front of you, that's the comment you decide to share?'_ I could have bitten at Ruby, I had valued reason to with plenty of ammo to let her know just what my opinion was of her at that second, however, seeing Gabe's obvious pained expression, mine and Ruby's bickering would not help him.

"Gabe, are you okay?"

Instinctively I reached for his arm, but it jerked under me.

"Yeah," he said bluntly, "fine."

Since picking him up, I had been transported to many days that have long passed, revelled in them and reminisced along with Gabe, something I would not have ever expected to do. This instant was no exception. The ignoring, foul mood change, the snapping and grunting, dragging only brief sentences out of him whenever I spoke…

I felt my heart being pinched, this being the man I had to deal with towards the end of our relationship; the man that gave me no other option than to walk away.

Back then, I had screamed and I had sworn. Dare I say but, I even was so tempted to hit him for treating me like nothing we had or that even I mattered to him anymore, when he meant the world to me. Right now I was reliving that and the sadness that hung over me forced my eyes to water and I might have spilt some tears, if not for the sudden frustration that replaced it.

"No, you're not getting away that easy. Unlike Ruby, I don't give a damn about this concert, if you're not feeling well, tell me; just what the hell happened on that plane?"

Quarantine and talk of being a survivor, I had ignored too much evidence set before me of things being real bad here in the man next to me and at JFK. It was an easy thing done when days pass in a sort of routine; to work, sleep, eat and repeat, now I felt the earth under my feet shake, as if due to impending change.

None of it seemed real; and though I'd seen eyes blood shot before, there was a definite crimson ring surrounding Gabe's iris, different from anything I'd seen before, not like a burst blood vessel either.

Something wasn't right and my worry must have been evident, because in typical Gabriel fashion when someone showed the least bit concern, he cut them off.

"Hey Gabe..."Ruby called from across the table and he wasted no time in turning his back on me.

Staring at his back, I flinched taking insult from the action, drilling a hole in the back of his head and while I fumed behind him to no avail, I just didn't see the point in staying.

"Fine."

Snatching my bag from where I had slung it on the floor beside me, I didn't bother with goodbye's and stormed past both the rock star and his manager, having lost all will to remain in the presence of the money grabber and furious with myself for having fallen victim to my Ex, breaking my promise not to lose all control over my emotions.

As I came to the top of the staircase a waiter got in my way carrying a tray. On it was my wine, with the bottle balanced behind it, three shots and a glass of rum.

"Ah!" I cried, taking my wine and cheering it towards where Gabe and Ruby were, as I downed the delightful red liquor.

"Oh now that is good," I commented, grabbing the full bottle from the startled boy and waving it in the air as I descended the stairs,

"At least I got my breakfast out of this _little get together_!"

Half way down, I didn't expect to get away without Ruby biting back and she hung over the banisters again shouting, "Remember barmaid you agreed to come in early today. One o'clock."

I inwardly cursed that she would still hold me to that shift after being awake under obligations that both were and not under my job description and I realised just how exhausted I was with her kind reminder.

"Whatever."

I took a hearty swig from my bottle, tipping it right back for show, but occupied in the consumption, it was my luck, while the people I was trying to get away from watched me, that I would walk straight into someone.

Tall, broad, Dark haired with wide blue eyes, there was some sort of badge hanging around his thick neck I didn't pay much heed to as I apologized.

"Sorry about that."

He held up his arms casually letting his plastic bag swing, "hey, no worries here."

There was an accent, a strange one where a New Yorker was battling it out with foreign roots…Russian perhaps.

I smiled nonetheless and the next thing I knew, I was slamming open my apartment door with no memory of the journey there, feeling my hands practically vibrate with all the energy I harboured.

There was no chance in hell I could be capable of speech right now without screaming my head off and set up in what was meant to be the dining area, was my sole path at becoming human again.

Without a single shit given about volume, 'Bitch' the name of my electric guitar, I plugged it in and started plucking the strings, to the point where my dry guitar player fingers broke skin and bled.

If I was going to face the club in two hours, I needed to release everything I had trapped inside of me.

Otherwise, I don't think I could quite trust myself being in the same room as the company I'd just basked in, again.

* * *

 **feel free to leave a comment, I'd love to hear from fellow Strain fans :) x**


	5. Chapter 5

Call me a disgusting scumbag, only the aftermath of my upper-class dining experience had left me far too worn out to want to bother with a shower and as I walked into the club, I did so ten minutes early for spite, with a buzz.

Not the drug induced kind, just the sorts that wrapped you tightly in your own bubble having been to a concert and you were encased by the music's vibrations, which distanced yourself from the real world.

Thanks to my concert of one, I was in a surprisingly relaxed mood now, even humming happily along to myself as I did the lazy thing and picked up a dress from the floor, without bother, gave it a Febreze wash, and passed the creases off as an intentional part of my whole style.

With the dress code at work black and scanty, I had paired the mini with a corset belt, torn fishnets, and a pair of Demonia boots I loaned from Kya, a latex pair with a killer steel heel, that met at the knee.

Being the absolute pro that I was, my eye makeup had not budge, so I refreshed my foundation smacked on some lippie and from one thing to the next, I had to really stop myself from skipping on over to the bar, having predicted that as soon as I walked through the door, I would be the object of everyone's attention, hence why I stepped up the scanty in the short time frame I had to get ready.

"Holy hell, Lily! Where have you been?"

Smoking since the age of ten, Kya had a good twenty years of the bad habit under her belt to make her voice as gravelly as it was, and often times she had to catch her breath between sentences, puffing out her metal ringed lips, as if a cigarette was still perched between them, used to the constant deep inhale and exhale of smoke.

"You don't answer my texts or my calls; just what are you playing at girlie!"

Plonking my bag on the smooth marble counter top of the bar, I rummaged around in the wilderness of receipts, food wrappers and other random things to pull out my phone.

"You did?"

Flipping it open, me being the sole person on the earth still with a flip phone, lovingly decorated with tape, there they all were the little unopened envelopes and missed calls stacked up.

"I swear there is absolutely no point in you owning a phone."

There was no arguing with her there and as I shrugged off the array of worries concerns, threats curses and questions she had piled up on the device, Jake appeared from around the back and took my bag off me to toss into the employee box, to hide from potential thieves, since we didn't have lockers, or any other type of designated place to put our shit.

"Hiya Lils, What you craving?"

Juggling around some bottles, I hopped up onto a stool beside kaya and leaned against her shoulder. I got to admit, I did love the girl and all her sass, which I missed while I'd been on my escapade, labeling her as one of the few good things in my life that I still had a hold of.

"Always red, Jake. Always red."

Saluting me, I used to be a jack and coke kind of girl but I figured if I was going to get lit night after night, I best try and do it with some class, therefore wine seemed the better option.

"I've already devoured a bottle," I admitted, watching Jake pour my beverage, "Will another glass, damage your opinion of me."

"Babe, who exactly are you talking to here? You'll cause more damage to your credibility around me, if you don't drink."

Encouragingly, Kya nudged me from her side and rubbed my arms furiously, "come on, you don't even have to chug. I'll happily let you take a dainty sip if you prefer."

She already had her shot of vodka, a simple favorite of hers, while also a way she got people worse for wear when she lied and told them to have a sip at her 'water.'

She played that joke on me once and I nearly hit the floor, being that it was one nock more before I entered into total oblivion.

"Dainty sips, ay; Jesus you're being generous you intoxicated bitch."

I choked at Jake's jibe as Kya lifted her middle finger at him, "just serve, maggot!" bouncing off his banter.

Together, we three had worked at the club since its birth, while others have come and gone, so we stuck together like glue, especially Kya and I, seeing as we shared a home, which was an offer she extended to me the day we met, since when Gabriel bought this place off another, Kya was sort of included in with the package, knowing the insides and out of this place.

Sure enough, I had strolled in jittery, hungover and looking like crap as a result from sleeping rough in my car for a fortnight. Standing at six feet, without the faux hawk adding a couple more inches to her height, dyed bright red, Kya easily appeared the imposing figure, not because the way she looked, but that way you sense when someone honestly doesn't give a fuck about anything and was all the more confident for it. Since then, she had grown out her hawk for long hair she had dreaded and replaced the red for a murky green, toning down the punk for something more relatable to my style, but nevertheless, I was able to look past that intimidating impression, breaking down right in front of her.

Sobbing on my knees, she had hooked me under the arms without a moments pause to be repulsed, giving me the dignity I needed, in not making my break down a spectacle as she took me into the toilets and locked the door behind us, allowing me to spill my guts out without fear.

Kya had been a total stranger, yet I told her everything; everything about how I came to be her fellow colleague, when I confessed my connection with her new boss who gave me the job after discovering my sad lack of income. Whether it had been shame for his actions being the cause for my situation, guilt, or a way to make him feel better about himself I would never had accepted his proposition, if I hadn't been so desperate.

As a babbled off, Kya had stared at me in a none judgmental way, dabbing my cheeks with her sleeve letting me know she was sorry, without making me feel more pathetic than I already did.

I moved into her apartment that very same night and the rest is history.

"so," she started, feigning her glasses needed polishing before setting them back onto her nose, "you gonna tell me where you disappeared to, all mysterious like?"

I took another sip from my drink, stalling my reply in taking it slow to swallow.

"Nope."

Jake had a well-defined skull structure; his cheek bones sharp and his chin coming to a point along a prominent jawline.

"Aww don't be cruel lily, she's been desperate to hear all the juicy details, when she heard you were still due in at one."

His hooded eyes gave him a permanent smolder and you wouldn't expect him to be as silly as he often was, enjoying teasing Kya and I, but only did he seem to show that side to his otherwise indifferent personality, to us alone. So laidback, his typical stance had him tilt his head back, so we could see under his hat he topped his bandana off with, to keep his black hair off his face, which flicked around his neck.

"Tattletale," Kya hissed, launching a soggy beer mat at him.

"Oh please, you've been sat there staring at the door, while I've been the one restocking everything back and forth the cellar. Maybe if you had done some work while you waited I wouldn't have said anything, nosy cow. "

"Hey, hey, hey!" Kya smacked her hand on the table with each word, "Are you going to stop with the insults, bastard!"

I swear, if I ever hear the pair of them refer to each other by their true names that will be the day hell freezes over.

"Sorry to disappoint you Kya, but I really don't want to elaborate."

For a moment everyone was quiet, until Jake jerked his chin upward, "it doesn't have anything to do with _him_ being on that flight, does it?"

By him I knew who he meant, since Jake made no secret of his hatred for Gabe and it was an attitude I couldn't fully understand since I hadn't witnessed or heard anything he had done to make his employee hate him so much. I had asked Kya once, but whether she was clueless as well or just wasn't telling me the reason, I don't know.

"What makes you say that?"

Kya tried to be discreet twirling on her stool and back, "well, don't look now, but Mr Bolivar, the reigning king of douchebags, has been just as impatient for your arrival as I have been. He's gawking at you right now."

I didn't need the verification. The instant my heels clipped across the floor, I had been aware that Gabe had been my audience, as I felt his gaze crawl all over me, a spectator I'd know from anywhere.

"Nice ensemble by the way," my roommate added, "scanty, just as the dress code demands."

Well, childishly, I thought it was about high time Gabe realized just what exactly he decided to toss aside…although it was taking all my will power not to run back home to find something longer and slip back on my precious boots.

"Which reminds me, are those my heels!"

I wanted to defend myself by saying that I knew my wearing them would annoy Gabe, but I kept my mouth shut, spotting that it was on the hour, which meant I had seven hours, before I could go home and finally, SLEEP.

"Have you given the counters a wipe down yet, Jake?"

Coming around to join him, the whole staff was under instruction to pretty much clean the club from top to bottom ready for the eclipse concert, an event open to the public, but with an upper level that still has view of the stage, there were a bunch of important people and press coming that we had to make a good impression with, as if their presence affected us mere mortals in the slightest.

Thankfully until then, the club was closed for band rehearsal, which meant I wouldn't be working as long a shift these next few days, meaning more time to spend at home.

"Nah let me just…"

The space behind the bar was large. Large enough to fit ten barmen and maids, all rushing to get people their drinks, and so with that fact coming into play, it was beyond me why Jake decided to grasp my waist and lead me painstakingly close to where I already new the cleaner and cloth was in a little cabinet under the sink was.

His chest against my back, I must have looked completely stunned while Jake bent down to retrieve those items, and Kya was no different with her eyeballs nearly popping out her sockets, and as he bent down to retrieve those items, my cheeks inflamed, to think how close he was to my…

"Thanks Jake," I blurted,

It was best I ended that thought there and as soon as the spray bottle and cloth were produced I couldn't break free fast enough, still evidently flushing against my pale complexion, which I knew 100% was being noted.

Fuck it.

The idea was to move on, time Gabriel learnt how it felt to be the bystander of my doing so, rather than the roles being in reverse.

* * *

"Please," I begged to the blackened room, "stop… _ringing_."

Spread on an array of pillows and beanbags, a substitute for a sofa, which has arguably stayed longer than they should have in an adults home, my face was muffled and my arms thrown above my head, in the position I had fell when returning to the apartment, with my legs missing the comfort completely, still on the wood flooring.

I had remained awake all night following into the better half of a day, and as a result, I had been planning to sleep at the hour I would normally wake, to start my day around the nightlife of New York as opposed to the day, except nothing was allowing me the luxury of sleep.

I couldn't have closed my eyes for ten minutes when out of nowhere, there was a sound.

It was sweet and light and twinkly…and utterly infuriating!

At first, I passed it off as my mind playing cruel tricks and it went away.

Then it returned.

Then it went away.

…and then…

"Who the FUCK is it!"

I had scrambled with my bag still hung onto my body, thrashing it around until I found the cursed device and slamming it against my ear. The rush of movements caused my head to swim and I braced it in my hand waiting for the person who so desperately needed to call me, to speak, having not looked at the caller ID.

"Jake?"

Listening intently and I strangely awoke, with every word sharpening my mind, as if after a full nights sleep.

Jake spoke and I did not add any comment of my own and when I'd heard all that I needed to, I gave no goodbyes; hanging up to let the phone drop where it wanted.

Crouched on my knees, Jakes voice stayed with me as I replayed it over and over, without purposely meaning to. Frozen in place, some key facts stuck out to me, which were the points behind his call, and they drew my eye over to my electric guitar again, searching for the fix it offered and I had already once indulged in.

Staring at the elegant curvatures of the red body, it sang of notes already plucked, summoning me towards it, and I so nearly obeyed.

However, in that instant, some divine intervention refused to allow me to project my anger out on an empty room.

There was something I could do here.

Something that has long past its due date…

I never lacked in courage, I never did in strength and it was time I proved that.

Penning a quick note, I stuck it on the counter top in the kitchen in case Kya very unlikely beat me back to the apartment, though I did expect her to be gone until the following morning, seeing as she never had nights off to actually be the clubber rather than the tender.

No shoes on my feet, still wearing my skimp dress and nothing else, I grabbed my car keys, hoping I didn't get pulled over by the police, since I must be way past the drinking limit, and drove back where I had not long came, to confront someone, who has haunted my steps, for Four years.

* * *

"You fired Jake!"

Two floors up from the stage and bar area, was Gabe's private quarters. I had always refused to come up here, as it was an intimate part of him, since this was what he had called home.

"Oh, hello again beautiful."

He was sprawled on a bed of velvets and silks, wearing a pair of leather trousers low around the hips. No stage makeup, no wig, this was the most casual I had seen him, apart from that morning, but judging by his set up when I arrived, he had been expecting me.

And that small detail, stirred a hurricane in me.

"Don't play innocent because you're far from it! What the hell do you think you're playing at!"

Like a cat on the bed, Gabriel slowly extended every limb where it rested; stretching to shrug off my attempt at arguing with him, as if that would work.

"Were just over staffed at the moment," he groaned, "and I was hardly going to fire you."

Prompting himself up onto his elbows, there was a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

It was an act of charm in the most unacceptable of situations and it enraged me to see that he did not care in the slightest that he had just ruined someone's livelihood.

Did he forget what it was like to scrape for cash?

To search in all corners for the smallest amount of change to buy one tin of value soup, just so we could eat!

I hissed, "You had Ruby call ahead and tell nearly every bar that he might apply to, that he was a pervert! Since when!"

"Since," he started throwing himself up onto his feet and prowling towards me, "I saw him grope a girl, who had clearly not wanted the contact."

Level with his bare chest, I resisted stepping back as he tried to intimidate me, in order to push his want for my compliance, knowing very well the incident he was referring to. I saw no joke here, and he couldn't belittle me into doubting my motives; I was in the right and I refused to let him dodge the bullet.

It was time that Gabriel bolivar came down from that high pedestal for a while and sees reality for what it was, not shadowed by clouds from the great height where fame had put him.

I eyed his chest and smacked it.

"oh yeah?" I snarled manically, smacking him again, "and what problem is that of yours! Hell, I've seen you do worse to girl's right in front of **_ME_**."

That last part, revealed the truth as to why I was here.

This had nothing to do with Jake and I had known that as soon as I answered the phone.

I was here for personal reasons, because everything; it all came down to me and Gabe.

Nothing had ever been resolved between us, and this was fate giving me that chance.

And it both killed and invigorated me, and as my fists met his body, the contact charged me dangerously like a loose wire.

"What is it you think I am?"

Drawing breath, the air had suddenly become thick and was now almost too difficult to suck into my body, but I pressed on.

"…Your toy to play with when you feel like it and then toss aside, when you get bored? And I just wait ragged from the time before that, stitching myself back up from the new break in my body, in my soul, in my heart!"

I grabbed his face; his chin clasped in my fingers, it shook as I did.

"How long before you leave me in peace! The man you were, the one I loved, he would have kicked your ass all over this God damn room for treating me like this. Only, you **were** someone back then."

Gabe kept his gaze steady, resting it on me alone as I finally got his full attention; telling him straight for once, how I felt and what I thought and it came like one blow after another.

And there was nowhere either of us could hide from this truth; in this battle needed to be fought.

Gabriel shoved my hand aside; his features hardened in a way I hadn't seen them be in a long time, without that twist of arrogance. This was conflict without weapons and there needn't be when it came down to words, as they were often the most brutal and cruellest thing a person can arm themselves with.

He was hardly going to take it, while delivering none in return and I welcomed him to do so, instead of leaving me with the silence of my guessing, because that fact has always been maddening.

I wanted to see inside of him, as that was also part of my problem; to see the man instead of the rock star.

"Oh, I was someone?"

That wasn't a question he wanted me to answer and he repeated it as he took a turn about the room.

Fidgeting from aggravation, I could tell that I had provoked him and when he turned back at me sharply, his character was set like a rival; eyes cold, muscles tense… I could hear behind his voice the walls crashing down, to make everything that would transpire from this point on, raw emotion.

"Tell me lily… Just tell me who the fuck I was, because I can't," he faltered, "I can't fucking remember! AND IT'S YOUR OWN DAMN FAULT."

Gabe's face was pale even without makeup, as if his very blood was shrinking away. His lips almost ghostly, despite the light in the room, He didn't look well and the shouting was taking its toll, although he powered through it.

"-You say that like it means anything. I didn't break things off; you did that all on your own. All I wanted to do is make sure we had a god damn roof over our heads. I warned you straight off the bat that the first few months were going to be brutal but you couldn't weather the storm. You gave up on me, as soon as there was a threat to yourself. "

I winced, "And what do you mean by that?"

Sneering from disbelief, Gabe started coughing into his hand, hunching over slightly. it sounded dry and for a moment it knocked my guard down, where I might have regretted coming here, seeing as he was clearly unwell, but that touch of sympathy was caught by him and he straightened, looking me in the eye and closing in.

"Soon as you have no control over a situation, you up and quit. That's why you moved from town to town as you did before we met. Suddenly, you found yourself alone most nights; things were changing in a way you didn't like."

Crossing my arms, it was a defensive move while Gabe prodded at some open wounds of mine.

Lowering my chin against my shoulder, it wasn't any secret between us that due to my past I was ever fearful of being on my own, since from infancy to my early teens, it was the reason why I would cry at night and would remain indoors, while my mother went out night after night, or sometimes weeks on end.

No goodbye, no phone call, I never had anyone to talk to and didn't know how much parental guidance was a priority.

I remember, I used to sit in the corner of our damp infested living room; no electric and no food in the fridge, until she got back, intoxicated and unhinged depending on whether or not her latest boyfriend had treated her right from wrong, before leaving.

In those desolate hours, I used to imagine what choices I would have made for myself. What school, what classes, who would be my friends. Would I attend dances, and if so with who?

While trapped within a sort of prison, I imagined myself as being so many different people, and the sad little girl I had been, envied and admired them all. But that was all they were; my imaginings and dare I even glance at my mother, I got bitch slapped for it, seeing as my existence enraged her.

Finally, when I did walk outside again, encouraged by a policeman the neighbors had informed after spotting me at the window one morning, I was given the miracle of a chance at happiness, since I never got a first, when they gave me to my grandfather.

Even then, three years down the line, he died; and I was back at square one, alone while people who didn't know me tried to do what they thought was in my best interest.

Foster home, after foster home, I stole my first load of cash soon as I hit eighteen and didn't stop moving until I hit New York, having been sickened by people telling me what to do, forcing me down roads I didn't want to take and feeling none the better, despite their assurance it was for the best.

in that retrospect, looking back on when Gabe would have late night shows, meetings, recording sessions, and interviews, added with rehearsals, that I was both expected to attend and not invited to all together, I suppose what Gabe said was true.

Selfishly, I was reliving what I had been trying to escape in the unwilling upheaval of my life, and did what I always did. Cut my losses before I got hurt, only cutting from Gabe didn't have the same effect as running away from my past problems, and the pain had only increased.

The trickle of a tear sent an odd sensation through my body, and I hadn't realized I was crying when Gabe brushed my cheek.

"I thought you were a free spirit, but fuck Lily you are far from it. Just tell me how many years, are you going to keep running away."

That made a profound impact on me. a statement I could see two sides of, where I both agreed and disagreed, there was more to our relationships end than my cowardice, and it hadn't come without a price.

Gabriel's hand was still at my cheek, and since all boundaries had been lost here, I didn't deny myself the want to lean into it for support while I traced my fingers along the tattoo which was his namesake.

"Things were going at such a speed Gabe, from you getting signed to touring… that I just couldn't keep up."

Along each wing I followed the thick outline, hearing my voice break just as bad as Gabe's.

"I wasn't happy in the environment you were surrounding yourself in, no. it was almost suffocating and I had to remove myself from that, so I could breathe again. Soon as I did it though, I knew the act was more self-mutilation, than an attempt at relief and it wouldn't have mattered to me if I hadn't woken up one morning."

His hand tensed around my cheek.

"Gabriel," I sobbed, peeking up at him the best I could without making it any higher than his mouth, "I have had every reason to run away and yet I'm still here. I even slept in my fucking car when I had nowhere else to go, just so I could stay in New York, not because the city had any significance to me, but so I could be close to you. Does that sound like a woman who's given up on you?"

His arm wrapped around my back and in one gentle pull, our skin touched. Our bodies fit together as if we were made just for this, to fall into one another, to feel this natural rhythm our hearts sped up to.

"I don't know what it is between us two fucked up souls, but you and I… we are one and the same."

Then before I knew it, Gabriel devoured me and I welcomed him as I parted my lips, allowing his tongue to delve into mine, barely interrupted by our ragged breath.

I moaned in pleasure, reaching up to hook my arms around his thick neck and in doing so, Gabriel lifted me, without breaking our kiss and placed me on the bed, where I grabbed at his body to warm his cold skin.

My dress risen, Gabriel followed the curves of my body and rested his hand on my hips while he thrusted despite the barriers still, mocking us.

Drawn to my neck, I turned for him to get better access, swearing to feel the nip of his teeth.

" _You're mine_ ," he growled, " _always have been; and you always will be_."

A shiver went down my spine as I was pummelled into the mattress by the intensity burning behind his words. Gabe's body on top of mine, I couldn't make a move except that which he wanted or guided me into; a kiss, a thrust, a stroke…

He was like an animal devouring every inch of me and not breaking more than an inch away. This was something that far exceeded our previous tumbles in bed and we were still partly clothed, only that didn't stop us from becoming one, or more accurately reminding us that's all we've ever been. His teeth scraping along my throat, I moaned out aloud sending Gabe over the edge; until, a chorus of laughter echoed up from the staircase.

We froze.

Choking on my last breath, I couldn't exhale it for all I was worth, and at the same time as I gripped Gabriel a little bit tighter, my vision cleared from its delirium, releasing me from the moment.

"Hey Gabe, you up here!"

Panting above me, Gabe didn't reply and we listened to the click of Ruby's heels and the light chattering accompanying it.

"No," Gabe muttered, while I just laid there staring at the ceiling, feeling my hands go limp, "No!"

Leaping onto his feet, the air around the room hit and cooled down my body, without my covering and as the solitude it represented seeped into my bones, I finally let my breath out, pressing my chest as it sunk and rose.

Tears burned my eyes, but I didn't make any effort to wipe them.

"What the hell are you doing here Ruby!"

That clicking of her stiletto shoes halted at an abrupt stop and I turned to the right of the bed, which didn't look out on the part of the room where the manager would be standing, knowing full well she would have had a good gander at me by now, wondering what was triggering Gabe, her carefully trained rocker, to lash out at his owner.

Ruby sniggered, as if it was all some kind of joke.

"Oh come on Gabe, you know I hate acting the delivery woman, since I've got like a thousand other things to be concerning myself with right now."

I could so easily imagine her entire body language, the way she might whip out her phone and quickly start texting something with the sides of her fingers, due to those claws she calls nails and still keep up with a conversation.

"Takes time you know, to find the perfect sorts, that aren't carrying anything should we say, and meet your strict criteria. Although, I see you've been a tad lenient where standards are concerned in recent fun and games. Hey, Lily."

I flinched, feeling the bed shift under me when a team of four scantily dressed girls to begin with, started undressing on their knees beside me. Immediately I sat bolt upright, clutching the edges with my fists, still with my back turned.

" _Ruby_!" Gabe hissed under his breath and that was pretty much when I blocked out everything and just tried to focus on something else other than this whole situation.

Out of all that I have had to endure, I had to say this was the strangest by far. I mean, sadness and me were good friends, hell I've carried it for years and have reacted as you might expect with that kind of weight. Only as I felt it hunch my shoulders down now, not a single tear fell as it sucked my insides dry, leaving me hollow. Somehow, as I came to grips with the intrusion on my and Gabe's brief reunion, the slowly world dissipated and I couldn't see the use in crying over something gone, because I knew that it wouldn't change anything.

I guess this is what they called rock bottom and I stayed there a moment longer and for a second, my heart blackened. A dead thing I had to cut my losses and deal with.

The arguing was still transpiring behind me, on Gabe's part at least, since all ruby could do was be a spiteful child that refused to listen and giggled in return, seeing no wrong or enjoying the after math of it at least, as if she couldn't come up with a better circumstance than this fate dealt, even if she tried.

hooking the strap of my dress up, a sort of mannequin was perched in front of me, framed by burned candles, whose, melted deformity stood as decoration and I recognise the item it wore without need for debate.

It was Gabe's leather jacket.

Long and almost trench coat like, it was one among various higher end brands that shared its design, but was worn not as a fashion statement but actual wear. It didn't feel like it belonged here, same as myself, and I reached over the small feat to pull it off.

Lifting the thing up, it hadn't strayed from the scent I remembered that day I met Gabe, literally running into him and face planting into the material.

Since then I've worn it on cold nights when I didn't have a jacket of my own, as we waited on a taxi; or was in folded in it, while Gabe still had it on his back when he felt like drawing me in for a hug. It hung on the back of our old apartment door, was thrown at him in anger when he left it on the floor, was what I stripped off him coming into our home…

It was a relic of a bygone age it seems and to save it from this life, I slipped my arms into the sleeves and got the boost of courage I needed to get up and walk around the bed the girls his manager had brought in, were now dominating.

"Gabe," I called, not recognizing my own voice as it came out a long drone.

He looked back a bit frantically wearing a defeated expression. An earnest one even, which was hinting a want for me to please stay.

Whether he didn't notice I was wearing his jacket or just didn't care, he didn't say anything about it either way; he just stared at me with those blood shot eyes, bringing something humanistic back into their previous predator like appearance.

"It's okay Gabe."

My lips quirked upwards for a second, acknowledging his pain that I couldn't deny was there, before even that slight effort to show any kind of emotion through this emptiness faltered.

"This is just how things are."

By that I meant our relationship. A crisp flower we couldn't continue on trying to maintain, because something always got in the way to pollute the water, to block out the sun or to worm its way into consuming it.

I was tired and if this was it; I wanted to part ways now and be glad of all the good we shared while the flower was still in bloom and not ruin the memory by fighting.

Quickly, I started descending the stairs without another word of goodbye, begging the string that was holding me up by some unknown force, not to snap until I made it to my car, because I could not fathom how I was actually moving and it wasn't just the jacket I took.

I couldn't think of a way to describe this. It was just there now, that as I walked away from Gabe, I could feel the reality sinking into him, as it did with me on the bed.

There wasn't going to be anymore going back on forth, or the relaying that we would be shadowing each other's path. As haunting as that sounds, we could only feel lost now without each other, with nothing to take us away from the errors of our past, even before we met. That the healing we had done for each other, was going like the drug we relied on, was stripped from us.

I couldn't have made it more than halfway down to the bottom floor, when someone approached from behind me.

"You can't let him be, can you!"

I couldn't even be bothered to groan at the sound of Ruby's voice.

"I told you once before," striding down, with all that self-worth, I stopped and let her say her part.

"He's got this whole new future ahead of him, and he can't be anchored down by anything; least of all, to a desperate girl like you."

It was like déjà vu; only last time I was sure I was sat on a couch, while Gabe slipped out of the room during a meeting he wanted me to attend and get to know the people he'd be working with more. Believe it or not, those had been Ruby's first words to me, and how right they would also be the last.

"Well, you don't have to worry about me anymore."

She cocked a perfectly thin brow at me, leaning on the metal bannister, "What does that mean?"

I couldn't stand that she was towering over me like that, as she has done like the reaper looming over someone on their bed, between me and Gabe where our relationship was concerned so I took matters into my own hands, knowing that this was a choice I came to myself, and not because of her threats or spiteful remarks.

Three steps apart, I closed the distance and was right next to her looming in on her face, so she could understand me perfectly well.

"Take this, as my resignation."

She backed off like I had hit her, not use to people quitting and more so her firing them.

"Today was my last shift. But you better promise me one thing..."

Ruby rolled her eyes and scoffed, as if she owed me anything when truth was, she did and I grabbed her arm a bit too hard so she would get my point.

"That you'll take care of him…understand?"

Her glare didn't intimidate me in the slightest and I remained there, tightening my hold on her wrist; until she yanked it out of my grasp.

From there she led me to the exit herself, holding the door open to appear as though she was kicking me out when it slammed tightly shut; cutting me off from the club… and Gabe.

* * *

 **Hiya, I'd love to hear back from you fellow strain fans as the series is slowly coming to an end.**


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